A Ghost Family, Chill Tribe

As you can see I have a lot of catching up to do. I am trying so hard to get to the present so I can keep up with what's new!
When we went with our friend Rot for the day he took us to a hilltribe village which was next to the Vietnamese village where he spent his first twelve years. Because of this he could speak their language and he knew most of the people. We were welcomed into their homes and he was able to translate enabling us to really communicate. This was a rare opportunity and we loved every minute.

When we arrived at the first home a woman was weaving on a loom held by her feet. She explained that a girl needs to be able to weave a wedding garment before she can marry. She was so open and friendly and eventually she told us her story.

Her culture is a matriarchal one. Parents buy husbands for their daughters. The currency is water buffalos, rare beads and rare water jugs about 4 feet high with the bottom made of gold dust. You can imagine if you are poor you may not be able to provide a husband for your daughters, or not a very good one! Most families prefer to have boys because they can become quite well off when they sell them. The men must move in with his brides family and work in the fields, almost like a slave at times. The women do everything else including fishing for the family. She told us she once caried a 70 kg deer home after her husband killed it! They are petite but very, very strong.

It is possible to divorce but the family has to pay back double what they received for the man. People often marry their cousins in poorer families because they can negotiate with each other to pay later. If the couple die before this is paid off the children have to carry on paying the debt.

If an older woman loses her husband and she can afford it she can buy a young man. There was one family where a 60 year old woman bought a 14 year old boy! Another thing they sometimes do is to buy one husband for two sisters. She explained with a few chuckles that there is no jealousy and he spends alternate nights with his wives.

The government is trying to encourage this tribe to give birth in a hospital. Both she and her sister got quite animated when talking about this, with lots of gesturing. She delivered her three children by herself in a squatting position and cut the cord as well. Rot told us they have a better infant mortality rate in the village with births than in the hospital! The women were both scandalized at how the hospital ties you in a spread eagled position which they showed us in gestures. How could you possibly have a child like that?! She also said that within three days of giving birth she resumes all her household duties and by five days she is able to carry a heavy load. She then went on to tell us that her sister was convinced to have one of her children in the hospital. After 5 days she tried to smuggle her sister and baby out because they were afraid for their safety but the doctor caught them and insisted she staty the required 10 days.

Now this is where it gets sad and very interesting. Her family; mother, father, sisters, brothers and children are considered by the other villagers to be a ghost family. Every speck of bad luck or illness or death in the village is blamed on them! The terrible part is it was determined so long ago that none of them know why. As a ghost family they are shunned by the other villagers and have to go far for spouses. Because a ghost family is feared the other villagers close their windows and doors when they come near. This is also because they can ask for anything from the other villagers if they see them because they are all afraid of bad luck. This is why they hide from them. She explained they would never ask for anything unless they were starving. Apparently at one time the rest of the village was starting to relax about them but they were starving so theyasked for rice and the person refused. Unfortunately the person's husband died shortly after and it all became bad again.

When her family tried to buy her a husband they had to go far away (10 miles) to find a husband whose family didn't know she was from a ghost family. After 10 years of happy marriage, while she was pregnant with her third child, her husband's family found out. They came and took him away and she hasn't seen him since. He hasn't seen his kids or her for three years......

The worst is yet to come. A couple of years ago in the middle of the night the rest of the villagers decided to kill the whole family. They locked them in their house, a hut really, and set it on fire. Rot's family lives next door and heard the commotion. They managed to save them but they lost everything and the police could do nothing. Her father was blinded in the fire.

She was telling us all this while we were hanging on her every word. We were sitting in the semi dark with a maetal wall behind us radiating heat like an airtight stove but we didn't move a hair while she was talking.

The pot that is in the picture, as well as the beads she has on will be what she pays for her daughter's husband with. She has nothing else of value. She got these after the fire when her parents sold her 15 year old brother for marriage.

Despite their sad lives the sisters were happy to see us and seemed resigned in a good way to their fates. The whole while they were talking the sister was picking nits out of her daughters hair. We bought one of her weavings to help her out despite the fact she uses commercial thread. Rot told us that their concept of money is not like ours and any money they get will be spent even if they starve tomorrow. Her tiny 71 year old cooked and watched with about a three year old child half her size strapped to her back. She was cooking in a lean to off the side of the house on an open fire with no chimney. Apparently they cook a pot of rice in the morning and graze on it all day. They also put fermented fish paste in a big piece of bamboo with a stick in it and pass the stick around for each person to lick while eating rice as a family meal. The room we were sitting in was about 8 X10, with a dirt floor and several crude wooden benches and working baskets piled in the corner. her father used to make the baskets before he became blind.

At the end she put the bridal garments around her and sang a wedding song. Philip managed to catch a bit of it on video with the camera. The rest of the group had to nearly drag us away! If I ever come back to Vietnam I would really like to visit her again........